We all go through things that shape us for our future selfs. My experiences with past pregnancies hasn't been that successful or glamous at the end, but I know with time God heals all. I have one angel baby, Jayden Alexander Smith, and I'm currently expecting baby #2 which is a girl! Due on June 22, 2013. I pray that everything goes as planned this time around, but if not I'm okay with knowing that in a short time I will rejoice with all my children in a glorous place in heaven.
Losing Jayden was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. At the time I was 16 years old and I couldn't comprehend why something so awful would happen to me and my baby. Why God would take something so dear to me, was it something I did? Of course, now I understand that delivering Jayden at 22 weeks was a blessing to him. He never had to suffer once on this earth, and even though I've never seen him or looked into his eyes I know exactly what he looks like and that he will forever have a beautiful smile on his face looking down on me and his father.
My second pregnancy ended at 11 weeks, technically I guess it never started. I experienced a blighted ovum when I went for my first ultrasound. I don't consider this pregnancy an angel baby because it never formed or had a heartbeat, but for those who wish to consider their blighted ovums as pregnancy I respect that, everyone grieves differently and for me it's easy and sets my mind at rest knowing I never had a baby to experience there. I miscarriage naturally for a little over 2 months. And while that was a very long, hard, depressing time it shapped me and made me who I am so I wouldn't take it back for the world.
Now I'm pregnant for the third time, with a little girl due June 22,2013. We are hoping for a very successful pregnancy with the help of God we know this is possible. While we are not certain what happen with the first pregnancy, we are keeping a close eye on everything this time around with the help of our wonderful doctors.
Knowing God as my Lord and Savior helps me stay strong and be strong in times of trouble. It helps me and motivates me to be a better person and to never lose my way. <3