My name is sara and this is the love of my life luis. We have been married since july 2nd 2005. We have been through alot through out the years, but through thick and then he stayed with me through it all. He has taught so much through out the years and i consider myself very lucky to have him by my side.
tI am without a doubt a god fearing woman. I put my faith in him. I would be nothing without him. I was very lucky and found a thread on bg called Mothers Who PRAY. Through this thread i have met some of the most amazing women ever. They have became my best friends. They are the kindest, non judgemental, godly women i have ever met. And i thank god for them every day. My life has truly changed since i met these wonderful women.
When i was 21 i got pregnant for the first time. I really wanted a girl. I was so excited, i started buying things right away. I had the car seat the crib, the swing, and a rocking chair. when i was 19 weeks, i had my first ultrasound. it was amazing but did not get to see the gender. But the ultrasound tech said i was only 17 weeks, but i was positive i was 19. When i was 22/24 weeks, i started bleeding. I didnt thing much of it so i didnt stress it, till it started getting heavier, and i started having cramps. i went to the hospital and they confirmed the baby was dead. I was so upset, that i wouldnt let them induce right then, i justed wanted to go home. that night i went into labor, and i tried to deliver at home, but the baby got stuck half way out. I tried to pull her our, but she i was just ripping her skin and breaking her legs. It was a nightmare. I went to the ER with my babies little legs hanging out. I was in so much pain that they had to give me 3 shots of morphine. By then i was out of it. They induced me and left the room. i was alone. and it didnt take long for my baby to come out. the nurse was shocked to come in the room and find the baby on the bed with me. It was a girl. but i didnt get to really look at her before they took her away. I was broken hearted.
My husband and i waited a year before we tried again. I thought this time it would happen. but when i was 8 weeks i started bleeding again. It brought back all the pain from the first one and then some.
A year and half later we tried again. and at 5 weeks lost our third baby.
I got pregnant again in january. I was due in october and at first i was so upset, i hate october. But after joining the october thread and getting to know some amazing mothers, i really got excited about being an october mom too. I had my first ultrasound at 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat. yay so excited. had another ultrasound scheduled at 8 weeks 3 days but the night before i started bleeding. long story short, there was no heartbeat. TEAR BLOOP. Time to work for baby number 5. please pray for me.
We finally got all the possible tests completed and found out that my husband and i are perfectly normal. So there is no reason as to why we keep miscarrying, but this gives me hope. I know that all my miscarriages were a part of gods plan, and they have only made me stronger. I am fully depending on god to bless me with a baby now. I should have depended on him along time ago. But this next time i have faith that god will bless me with a baby.
I Will Be A Wonderful Mother
There are women who become mothers without effort,
without patience or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in
, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.
I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort.
I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.