I love to read quotes that are of the facetious persuasion. I've recently become concerned with the fact that I have three apps on my phone to keep up with celebrity news, and only one for the "real" news. I'm more concerned that the word "app" is so widespread. I'm not much on the news because I'd rather read facts and not someone's opinion about them. I'm tired of political correctness and have decided to just be correct. Some stereotypes are, in fact, true. I'm blonde so I can say that. I love Fran Lebowitz. I am most definitely a Christian. I'm occasionally a drunkard. I'm trying to reconcile the two. Like Miranda says, I think Jesus understands people like me. It's the rest of you fuckers that confuse him.
I was raised in Texas and Alaska, so I'm a Telaskan badass. Yup.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
- Mitch Hedberg
I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much dependent on whether or not I have bread.
Insanity can easily become sanity if insanity becomes the majority.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please
You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime in your life.
- Sir Winston Churchill
If a politician found that he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
- H.L. Menken
We are right to take alarm at the first experiment upon our liberties.
- James Madison
ďWell ya see, Norm, itís like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. So when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
The human brain works that way too. It only operates as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thatís why you always feel smarter after a few beers.Ē
~Cliff Clavin (from Cheers)