I found out May 10th, 2009 that i was expecting. I remember i cried myself to sleep that night knowing that the two pink lines would change my life forever. I wanted to know for sure that i was pregnant so i made an appointment May 11th, 2009 with my obgyn he than said that my urine was positive and that i was expecting, but just to make sure he sent me to the hospital to do Lab work. May 12th, 2009 i went back to my obgyn and he than said that it was still positive he did an ultra sound to find out how far along i was and he said i was about 3 weeks pregnant, so i knew exactly when i had concieved. The only thing that mattered now was telling the babys dad. I live 45min away from him so the quickest way [but poorly] was to just call him and get it over with so that he would have time to calm down. I called him and i just went ahead and told him& the first thing he had to say was if he had any say in him keeping it. So from than on he never had any say in what i decided to do. Him and I didnt talk much after that day, he would text me occasionally to tell me that the best thing for me to do was abort cause our lives were in my hands. I just ignored everything he had to say. He was causing too much stress. But he eventually got exactly what he had prayed for.


My baby was suppose to be born Jan 25th, 2010, but at around 8:30 pm May31st, 2009 i experience something a mother dreads the most. Iwas having a miscarriage and didnt even know why. I started spotting but only when i wiped, so i thought maybe its nothing. I headed to the ER, the Doctor said they were going to do a couple procedures and i agreed to do whatever he asked, the did a pelvic exam which showed my cervix was still closed, took blood, and finally did a vaginal ultrasound, and they told me that my hormone levels were low, but that it could be uterus bleeding, so as i waited in the hospital bed, all i could think of was why my baby? why not me? The Doctor finally came in and told me that they were gunna take blood and go from there and tht i would get discharged but if i continued to bleed that i would have to come back. So i was left with no answer, and no phyiscal pain, all of it was emotional. I woke up the next day, and prayed to God that the bleeding had stopped, but as i wiped i soon found out that my prayers werent answered. I headed back to the ER once again, and this time they didnt hesitate, they took my blood did another pelvic exam, and told me that i had bleeding and than i heard them say that it looks like a miscarriage, so again they left me alone to take in the news. The Doctor came in and told the results and said tht my hormones were down by 300, and that my cervix was still closed but that doesnt mean that it hadnt opened a lil b4. So finally i got discharged and had to make an appt with an obgyn to make sure it was etopic, so June 2nd, 2009 i layed helpless why my obgyn told me that ihad a miscarriage and that just to be safe that it would be best for me to have a D&C, so i agreed, June 3rd, 2009 @ 7:00 am i arrived to Methodist Hospital to finally say goodbye to my precious angel, when i woke up after surgery the only thing i remember is holding my stomach and just crying, ive never felt emptier. I got to keep the remains, i got them cremated and but into a necklace. the necklace is shaped like a babys boot. i wear it on my neck causeits the closestplace to my heart.i sing Rock-A-Bye baby to myself everynight, and just tried to understand why. Today is Sunday, June 14th,2009 and i can tell you that it hasnt gotten much better, i still cry whenever i think of my m/c. i dont know if thats ever going to go away. I see my 15yr old cousin whos been caring her baby for almost 8 months now and i always askGod why i couldnt carry a healthy baby.I'm extrememly jealous of pregnant women, the yare just so beautiful,and have and amazing gift,i try and stay away from babies but having two nephews doesnt make it any easier, i promised myself and God, that no matter what i wasnt going to give up. I have many years ahead of me, to try again with someone who cares a lot more about me, and wants to keep the baby. someone whos gunna throw a parade knowing that im expecting his babyIm taking this whole experience as a second chance to make my life better , i will never forget about my lil angel, but i will go on with my life.. i have an angel baby to guide my way.


-Paulina




R.I.P
My baby grew wings May 31st,2009.

Aww hun i am so sorry! Our story's sound so familar! I pray that its getting easier for you... How far along were you? I was just turning 6 weeks... Its so sad! Was the father of the baby there for you afterwards? I hope so cause its hard to go through it by yourself... Again i am sorry