I am 20yrs old. I currently live in Brooklyn, n.y. I am a very strong and independent woman but one day god tested my strength when he took my baby girl away. 6/28/10
May 28th, 2010
I went to take my sonogram to find out the sex of the baby.
I was 5 months 22 weeks and anticipation to find out if ill have my lil prince or my lil diva, They told me it was a girl but my cervix was open. My white blood cells was near her membrane. But everything said after that was a blurr,,,,,Thank god my sister was there to support me as my life seemed to collapse b4 my eyes. They told me they wanted to keep me for review but if i went through with the pregnancy i would get infected and be unable to have kids. At first, i said im putting this in gods hands and discharged myself from the hospital. I didn't want to hear it, admit it to myself. I thought after 3 months everything was fine. But i was wrong, i turned back to the hospital and admitted myself. Everyone came to see me except my baby father to share the last night with my babygirl inside of me. She moved around as i talked to her father on the phone who tried to comfort me. I wish he was at the hospital but he didn't come. My 3 sisters, mother, brother-in law n best friend made me laugh the whole night. But reality set in that my daughter would not live as they gave me pills to induce my labor. I talked to my boyfriend the whole night until the contractions started. I felt my lil girl die inside of me as they took her away and I could do nothing but cry. At 3:35 my boyfriends called me 3 mins later she was born.As i cried out no don't take her, i pushed. A few mins later it was like i was looking in the mirror. My daughter looked exactly like me with her father's big eyes. I never felt so happy and depressed at the same time. I felt my world would be over as i told her over, and over I love her. I held her in my arms i held my angel, my baby who wasn't supposed to be here for another 4 months but she's with god in heaven. Maybe i'm selfish because i tell god everyday i need her more than he needs her. But mayb my lil diva had an important duty to do in heaven. But my heart has this void , this empty feeling. All the times in my life that I thought my life was gonna end this surpassed it. Life became uneasy, my heart lonely, and all i could think about was my precious lil angel. I thought about the could of's, would of's and the never's ..... and never would i be able to hold my angel again.....