My name is Alyssa Ashley
::21 years young::
I blow out the candles September, 18th
Lylah Grace 10.27.11
Angel Baby 07.2012
Love you both more than anything!



*vvv - maybe tmi - vvv*
Lylah Grace came into this world 2 weeks 1 day before her due date (which was 11/11/11). Andy and I were at the mall when my water broke at the food court around 2:30 PM. We finished shopping, visited his sister for about an hour and then I decided that we needed to get to the hospital - I've never seen him drive so fast but so cautious. We arived around 5. You should have heard the conversation I had with the receptionist telling them I was coming in, Andy was laughing out loud - it went something like this:

Me - 'Hi, My name is Alyssa. I'm due 11/11/11 but my water broke a few hours ago so I'm going to come in and have this baby tonight'
Her - 'Are you having contractions? Are you sure you didn't just pee? I know its embarrassing but it happens to a lot of heavily pregnant women.'
Me - 'My water broke, I didn't pee - I swear. I am having contractions and I'm going to be there in about a half hour, so be ready!'

In the hospital I said yes to the meds, mostly because I was sick of being in pain. I shook uncontrollably and threw up constantly. If I wasn't doing either of those I was sleeping... and I slept a LOT. After a while the meds started to wear off and the doctors checked me and said I could have an epidural if I wanted and I just started to cry (well helllloooo hormones!). I thought nobody but staff could be in the room when getting an epidural and I didn't want Andy to leave, but they said he could stay and I even got to lean on him when they did the whole procedure. I slept the last good sleep I'd have in a long time (probably even to this day) because when I woke up they told me I could start pushing if I wanted but I said I wanted to sleep, so they let me sleep for about 30 minutes before waking me up and ordering me to push lmao. Maybe 35 minutes of sleepy pushing and POP! out comes the most amazing creature I've ever laid my eyes on.
All I could think about was 'wow, I can't believe I've been cooking this perfect bundle inside of me' I was SO proud of myself, and my hubby. She was placed on my chest at first so I could meet her, then whisked away to be dried, cleaned, measured, swaddled ect. After all that was done with her daddy took her to his cot and cuddled with her for a good 15 minutes while the doc was shoving his fist up my twat fishing out blood clots and sewing me back together (3 stitches, not bad!). That was the first day of the rest of my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. She is both her mother and her father's pride and joy<3



I still have a rough time talking about my angel baby, but I'm hoping that will someday pass. Although it was a first trimester miscarriage, I still feel as if I'm 'missing' a child sometimes. I still consider myself a mom to two children. And the one thing that makes me the most upset is when someone says 'oh, that's common' about early term miscarriages like it's no big deal. It is a big deal. My baby died. I carried around my dead baby for almost 2 months before it finally passed through. I never heard their heartbeat, but their whole life they were feeling/listening to mine, and it was filled with nothing but love for them. It gives me comfort knowing that they passed away comfy in the only home they ever knew, listening to the heartbeat of the only other person on this world who loved them more than anyone. <3