If you bother to read past this sentence, here…




But if you're willing to continue:

I'm Ciera. I'm currently 18. Senior in high school, I graduate in early June of this year  
Enjoy writing, horror movies, and studying the stars (astrology, although astronomy's cool too). I'll be happy to earn a steady career in either one of the subjects above, although I'm skeptical when it comes to astrology.  

No I'm not pregnant nor a mom. Why I'm here is a question I really don't care to answer due to the number of times it's asked lol
At the end of the day, everyone's here for some form of entertainment anyways.  

I'm not a big fighter, never really was. But I do have moments where I can get snippy or I simply become fed up and tell it how it is.

I love to day dream. Life just gets suckier while I'm awake, and it hurts like hell when my mind's awake along with me.

Abortion, get back to me on that one if you really want to know.
Circumcision, I really don't give two fucks about but maybe if I have a kid that'll change my perspective.

I like anything that gives me a sense of homeliness, or at least feelings I remember from childhood. I love the rain, the ocean, the beach, and parks (Beautiful ones in the middle of vast trees and other natural things, that is.)
And if you're already bored, it ain't like the clown above didn't try to warn you...in his own ironic way, I'll admit...

Anyways,
I'm definitely not the extroverted type, and I may come across as socially awkward at times (I blame it on the Asperger's  ). I also don't trust people easily. And it seems everybody is just incessantly giving me reminders as to why that is. :/

I may not enjoy popularity or the limelight and prefer to keep to myself, but at the same time I deeply appreciate it when people acknowledge my existence at the least (I prefer in a positive way).

I'm also a BIG lover of horror movies and music. As well as writing, it frees my tormented soul. To an extent :/

And my favorite show is the Walking Dead  



(I thought the zombie effects in the pics were pretty entertaining, so why not?)  

Oh, and I can't stand opinionated, judgmental bitches. Some I know of and have encountered. If you think I'm talking about you, you're probably right.

I also hate it when people who think that others can and should do things the way they do it, thinking it's the correct or better yet the only way. There's no right or wrong standards to living. If there were, a lot of us wouldn't be under gravestones or total jackasses right now.

I can not think of anything regarding humans that could be considered good as well as worthy of praise.

I've been dubbed many things. A sufferer of Asperger's being one of them. I guess you can say I'm slowly accepting and/or acknowledging the fact that this is my diagnosis. A few people suggest that because of someone with Asperger's tendency to "obsess" over stuff, it could explain my fascination with horror and scary shit. And it does make a lot of sense  





































I love me some KoRn, System of a Down, Evanescence, Lacuna Coil, Skillet, Seether, Deftones, Three Dyas Grace, Chevelle, and much more.  
I really enjoy almost all types of music, but I especially love anything that means something deep to me. And anything hard and intense xD
















In early 2011, it became apparent that I was suffering from severe anxiety attacks. I hate the thought of being medicated for anything, this being no exception. But I was the one who asked for the medication.
I can only hope that I can get through this, as I have most things I'm proud to say.  



I also am currently suffering from depression. My being depressed is absolutely the hardest obstacle I'll ever take on in my entire life. I hope no one ever feels like they're alone in this world, having nobody there but your thoughts, only having your imagination and your dreams to keep you alive. I hope no one is ever in a place where no one gives a fuck about them, to the point where they are blatantly told this by sby some asshole. I hope no one endures the shit I had to go through the past three years, and you end up being stuck between childhood and growing up, not even sure if you know whether you want love, or choose to believe it doesn't exist. I hope you never have to be on the outside, looking in to that circle of acceptance you know you'll never reach. It hurts. It hurts more than anything, more than anyone can imagine. It's the kind of pain that I would never wish on any enemy.
Never have I endured something where I actually might have given up awhile ago over. This is the shittiest time of my life, hands down. And the thing is, I still don't know if it's worth it sometimes.
I sometimes ask God or any universal deity out there if all of this pain will be worth it in the end, and He never answers...   So, I guess I'm just hanging on...

There are also possible mental issues, but they won't be shared now that I've got enough sense to not openly reveal to you.   Thank the Devil, lol.





"Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying." - SK

"The trust of the innocent is the liar's most useful tool." - SK



I saw my first scary movie, 1992's Dracula when I was ten, and since then I've been hooked.  
























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Beaut-



Beautiful =)













However, I do prefer scarier, weird, "creepy" things that people like to briskly shove under the carpet. The more disturbing it is the more meaning it has. It just so happens that it needs to be grotesque for it to be something worth remembering or to never leave your thoughts for quite some time. Take "A Serbian Film" for example.

Just try to think about it for a sec  













"
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!" - Poe





https://www.facebook.com/OfficialJudiJai/photos_stream#!/photo.php?fbid=438746729514237&set=pb.172725942782985.-2207520000.1356130845&type=3&theater




















http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/judi-jai

^I LOVE this girl  

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I also love this guy  

gilgunned




















I also like this girl still   :








Team Rosalie For Life!!  



RIP Sandy Hill:
"Thousands of little angels walk in a row
Eyes closed from the horrors
Their destination, they didn't know
Twenty of these beautiful angels
fly away from death and the woes,
knowing that a land of peace
and beauty, is where they will now go."
R.I.P to those who passed on far to early, on a seemingly ordinary yet tremendously fateful school day.

http://www.fanpop.com/

^This is the site that I came from. It's the first social website I've ever been on  
















Autumn

In order for the world to birth beauty,
there must be timely death
From geens to reds, striking oranges to grey
Bare trees that lose their leaves
Calm days and sunlight dissipate,
changing to cold, harsh winds
that freeze our bitter little hearts
Comforting warmth vanish as the sun loses
its essence,
which eventually the sun regains
Through ugliness and the cold, life shows
its purest beauty
Through ugliness and the cold, life shows
its purest beauty
From the darkest times, comes the most important
Lesson of all
Which serves as reasons as to why
One must appreciate the fall.







Because my ancestors have bravely fought against all odds to gain it. It's not me being a narcissist, it's my knowing how hard we fought to be free.
Just maybe < 3

“The mere fact that you're able to say that you're better than these kinds of people and those kinds of people tells me the exact opposite. The "us and them" mentality is destructive. Maybe it's making you feel pretty good about yourself, but it's really not contributing anything to humanity. So what if it's true that this person does drugs, that person makes porn, etc. If you believe those things are problems, contribute something. "I'm better than you, ha ha" is a useless arrangement of words. What does it really even mean to be better than someone? What does it matter? We're all humans and we all (yes, even the "better" ones) have problems. Everyone is facing their own issues, big and small. Get the hell off of your pedestal and do something to help those who aren't doing so good... since you're perfect and all.”



And that's about all there is for anyone to know regarding myself. 'Course there's much more than the abrasive crap, but my barrels of trust have been shattered pieces of wood, and are pretty much run out as a result.

Oh, and btw if interested;
If you want to PT me, go ahead. I'll welcome PT's, but at the same time if you read my entire profile, I honestly don't see why you'd want to. xD But if you choose to do so anyways, I don't really care. Not picky about people on here to begin with so I'll more than likely pt you back. That's all.

So, yeah.
Bye.  

youre welcome  
thank you!!